The Worst Massage I Ever Had (True Story)
I'll be honest: I'm a difficult person to give a massage to. After over 20 years in this profession, I've spent more than one session internally questioning some the work being done on me. I wish cloning were real so my hand-picked team here at Michigan Massage and Wellness could all work on each other. Since that's not an option, let me tell you about the worst massage I ever received instead.
Anyone who knows me knows how much I loathe Groupon and other daily-deal sites; as a small business owner, and now as a consumer too. There was potential in the model early on, but it's become so oversaturated it's almost meaningless. Still, in the name of "field research," I bought a Groupon for a 60-minute deep tissue massage for about $30. I figured it would at least make a good story.
Anyone who knows me knows how much I loathe Groupon and other daily-deal sites; as a small business owner, and now as a consumer too. There was potential in the model early on, but it's become so oversaturated it's almost meaningless. Still, in the name of "field research," I bought a Groupon for a 60-minute deep tissue massage for about $30. I figured it would at least make a good story.
The Appointment From Start to Finish
I walked into an office suite in Southfield, the kind of building full of law offices and accounting firms, not exactly where you'd expect a massage practice (though to be fair, my own studio isn't in a traditional setting either).
Stepping past children lying on the lobby furniture, I checked in and was taken to a room.
Where I waited.
Ten minutes past my start time, someone knocked to let me know my therapist was running late and would be there in ten more minutes.
He finally arrived about 30 minutes after my scheduled start. He, and yes, "he," despite my having requested a female therapist, apologized, explaining he'd been in a car accident. (Later in the session, the story changed to his car not starting the night before. Neither explanation really held up, but I digress.)
What followed was about 25 minutes of what I can only describe as petting and jostling. I'd asked him not to do the full hour, because I genuinely wasn't sure I'd make it through. No flow, no questions about pressure or focus areas, just the occasional "you're really tight here, but that probably feels better already."
It did not, dear reader. It. Did. Not.
And then there was the music. Which, once he remembered to turn it on, turned out to be a full Sunday worship CD. I checked. It was real.
I walked into an office suite in Southfield, the kind of building full of law offices and accounting firms, not exactly where you'd expect a massage practice (though to be fair, my own studio isn't in a traditional setting either).
Stepping past children lying on the lobby furniture, I checked in and was taken to a room.
Where I waited.
Ten minutes past my start time, someone knocked to let me know my therapist was running late and would be there in ten more minutes.
He finally arrived about 30 minutes after my scheduled start. He, and yes, "he," despite my having requested a female therapist, apologized, explaining he'd been in a car accident. (Later in the session, the story changed to his car not starting the night before. Neither explanation really held up, but I digress.)
What followed was about 25 minutes of what I can only describe as petting and jostling. I'd asked him not to do the full hour, because I genuinely wasn't sure I'd make it through. No flow, no questions about pressure or focus areas, just the occasional "you're really tight here, but that probably feels better already."
It did not, dear reader. It. Did. Not.
And then there was the music. Which, once he remembered to turn it on, turned out to be a full Sunday worship CD. I checked. It was real.
The Checkout Was Somehow Worse
When the session ended, I left a cash tip in the room (good karma matters) and went to check out. The receptionist tried to charge me an additional $50 for a "service charge and gratuity"...despite the session already being prepaid through Groupon, and despite my tip already sitting in the treatment room. She'd also written up the invoice for a 90-minute Swedish massage, not the 60-minute deep tissue I'd actually booked (which, generously, lasted about 25–30 minutes). She crossed out "90," wrote "60," and handed it back without much explanation.
Then, in the parking lot, I looked at the printed receipt and realized it had someone else's name, address, and phone number on it. So much for privacy.
The Point of This Story
Know who you're doing business with. Stop shopping for deals and start shopping for quality; especially when it comes to your body. At Michigan Massage and Wellness, we're not trying to get as many bodies through the door as possible; we're trying to actually help the people who walk through it. And yes, we let you pick your own music :-D
If you're in Troy, MI and looking for a massage experience that's the opposite of this story, book with our team, we'd love to show you the difference.
When the session ended, I left a cash tip in the room (good karma matters) and went to check out. The receptionist tried to charge me an additional $50 for a "service charge and gratuity"...despite the session already being prepaid through Groupon, and despite my tip already sitting in the treatment room. She'd also written up the invoice for a 90-minute Swedish massage, not the 60-minute deep tissue I'd actually booked (which, generously, lasted about 25–30 minutes). She crossed out "90," wrote "60," and handed it back without much explanation.
Then, in the parking lot, I looked at the printed receipt and realized it had someone else's name, address, and phone number on it. So much for privacy.
The Point of This Story
Know who you're doing business with. Stop shopping for deals and start shopping for quality; especially when it comes to your body. At Michigan Massage and Wellness, we're not trying to get as many bodies through the door as possible; we're trying to actually help the people who walk through it. And yes, we let you pick your own music :-D
If you're in Troy, MI and looking for a massage experience that's the opposite of this story, book with our team, we'd love to show you the difference.
